The 5 principles to active listening
Learning about active listening is imperative to boost wellbeing, reduce stress, and drive social connection. Not surprisingly, a 2022 statistic found 80% of US workers attributed work stress to poor communication.
Here are the 5 principles to active listening:
1. Vocal attention
Purpose: to communicate you are listening and attentive.
Example: there are dozens of utterances, here are 3:
“Hmmm…”
“Uh-huh…”
“Go on…”
2. Reflection
Purpose: to show the speaker that you understand how the speaker feels about what they’re expressing.
Example: reflect back the speakers feelings:
“You seem frustrated by this…”
“This sounds like it’s upsetting you…”
“I’m sensing you’re concerned about…”
3. Summarizing
Purpose: to demonstrate you understand the content of what’s said.
Example: restate the major themes or basic ideas heard:
“I hear you say (major theme)…”
“It sounds like what you mean is (basic idea)…”
4. Clarifying
Purpose: to ensure you understand the content or feeling stated or implied.
Example: check the accuracy of what you’ve restated OR ask for additional facts:
“Did I get that right?”
“Are you saying…?”
“Could you provide an example of…?”
5. Validating
Purpose: to acknowledge the speaker’s experience and communicate it’s reasonable.
Example: capture the theme and/or feeling:
“I can see you’re going through a lot…”
“Oh wow, that’s really tough…”
“I recognize how difficult it is to talk about going back to school…”
**Describing what you understand about the speaker’s experience supplements a validating statement.
Next steps:
These 5 principles to active listening drive social connection and make what could be a polarizing conversation more manageable. Using these principles in your relationships will drive satisfaction by bringing you both closer.
An important final note is that these principles cover the verbal half of active listening; you also listen with your body language. Stay tuned for a future blog post on that.
Remembering and integrating these principles is a challenge. Therapy with me presents you an opportunity to learn more about these skills and practice them in a collaborative and controlled setting—whether in couples therapy, individual therapy, or family therapy.
